No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.