Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.