Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!