Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.