Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.