I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.