I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.