I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.