I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?