I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.