I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.