I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.