I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.