I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.