I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.