Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.