Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.