Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!