Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.