All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.