I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.