I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.