I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.