I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?