Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.

You write about what you know.

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone