I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.