I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

You write about what you know.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the sacrifices myself and millions of other American soldiers make everyday to protect the freedom we enjoy by living in the United States of America.