Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.

Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.