Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul.

Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the sacrifices myself and millions of other American soldiers make everyday to protect the freedom we enjoy by living in the United States of America.