Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.