You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

I find human contact repulsive.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!

The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.