Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the sacrifices myself and millions of other American soldiers make everyday to protect the freedom we enjoy by living in the United States of America.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

I find human contact repulsive.

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.

Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions.