Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the sacrifices myself and millions of other American soldiers make everyday to protect the freedom we enjoy by living in the United States of America.

Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.

I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!

Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions.

The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.