A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare.

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.