Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.
Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.
Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions.
You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare.
The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.