Scientists are still trying to produce life in the laboratory, but it shouldn't be difficult if the laboratory assistant is pretty and willing.

Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect?

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

An optimist is one who makes the best of it when he gets the worst of it.

The unexpected always happens.