When a person puts his best foot forward and gets it stepped on, that's life.

Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath-not so hot once you get accustomed to it.

I inherited my ability from both parents; my mother's ability for spending money, and my father's ability for not earning it.

A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

Home is where the college student home for the holidays isn't.

Middle age is when the best exercise is one of discretion.

There is no stigma attached to recognizing a bad decision in time to install a better one.