Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

In the country of the blind, the one-eyed king can still goof up.

Home is where the college student home for the holidays isn't.

A rut is a grave with the ends knocked out.

A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files is to make a copy of every paper before he destroys it.

I inherited my ability from both parents; my mother's ability for spending money, and my father's ability for not earning it.

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.