Bore : A fellow who can change the subject back to his topic of conversation faster than you can change it back to yours.

No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a camel - anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform effectively under such difficult conditions.

Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form

My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.

You could generally inform a real close friend: when you have manufactured a idiot of on your own he does not truly feel you've finished a long lasting job.

A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.