You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

As the farmer said, "I'm not greedy, all I want is the land next to mine.

Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect?

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.

Every man serves a useful purpose: a miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.

Ignorance is the mother of research.