You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath-not so hot once you get accustomed to it.

We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.

When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.

Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.