My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

I still sweat. My guts are still grinding out there. Sometimes I have enough cotton in my mouth to knit a sweater.

How can they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

There is no such thing as a natural golfer but you become one by hitting thousands of balls

I may buy the Alamo and give it back to Mexico.

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.