I'm a golfaholic. And all the counseling in the world wouldn't help me.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

You have to understand, I don't play golf for fun. It's my business. When the mailman starts delivering mail on his off day, that's when I'll start playing golf for the hell of it. I like to play in tournaments. There are many great courses around the world that I have never played that are next door to tournaments. I have not played them because I don't play for fun.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

His nerve, his memory, and I can't remember the third thing.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.