The older I get, the better I used to be.

All my life I had a rapport with black caddies.

They say I'm famous for my chip shots. Sure, when I hit 'em right, they land just so, like a butterfly with sore feet.

I believe in reincarnation. In my last life I was a peasant. Next time around, I'd like to be an eagle. Who hasn't dreamed they could fly? They're a protected species, too.

I'm a golfaholic. And all the counseling in the world wouldn't help me.

His nerve, his memory, and I can't remember the third thing.

Two things that are not long for this world: dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who putt for pars.