You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it.

I love Merion and I don't even know her last name.

I'm a golfaholic. And all the counseling in the world wouldn't help me.

Just remember, somewhere there's some guy who's tired of putting up with her crap

My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.