My family was so poor the lady next door gave birth to me.

Every golfer should come to the first tee with fourteen clubs, a dozen balls, a handful of tees, and at least one great golf story

I may buy the Alamo and give it back to Mexico.

All my life I had a rapport with black caddies.

I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.

I love watching Anthony Kim play, but I'm not a fan of the way he grips down a good two inches on his full-swing shots. Choking down lightens the club's swingweight and effectively makes the shaft stiffer.

If it wasn't for golf, I don't know what I'd be doing. If my IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere.