My family was so poor the lady next door gave birth to me.

I've seen enough crazy shots to know they happen in the best of families.

If God wanted you to putt cross-handed, he would have made your left arm longer.

I thought I'd blown it at the 17th when I drove into a trap. God is a Mexican.

I'm hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it.

I use an Arnold Palmer putter that was probably built back in 1954.

Every golfer should come to the first tee with fourteen clubs, a dozen balls, a handful of tees, and at least one great golf story