Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

I thought I'd blown it at the 17th when I drove into a trap. God is a Mexican.

To me, the [British] Open is the tournament I would come to if I had to leave a month before and swim over.

Chi Chi Rodriguez had as good a pair of hands as anybody I ever saw, and more shots than you can imagine. But Chi Chi had a habit of turning simple shots into difficult ones.

You have to understand, I don't play golf for fun. It's my business. When the mailman starts delivering mail on his off day, that's when I'll start playing golf for the hell of it. I like to play in tournaments. There are many great courses around the world that I have never played that are next door to tournaments. I have not played them because I don't play for fun.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

I'm not scared of very much. I've been hit by lightning and been in the Marine Corps for four years.