I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

A rough should have high grass. When you go bowling they don't give you anything for landing in the gutter, do they?

His nerve, his memory, and I can't remember the third thing.

[Jack Nicklaus] was the first to bring in course management. He could go to a course and tell you within one stroke what was going to win. He used to set his sights on that because he could shoot it. He was the only player I know who, if he decided he wanted to win a tournament, could go out and do it. No one will ever be as popular as Arnold Palmer and no one will ever come close to Jack as a player.

Actually, my plan was to be 20-under par after two days but it didn't work

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.