How can they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.

If Jack Nicklaus had to play my tee shots, he couldn't break 80. He'd be a pharmacist with a string of drugstores in Ohio.

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

A rough should have high grass. When you go bowling they don't give you anything for landing in the gutter, do they?

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

If you've ever driven across Texas, you know how different one area of the state can be from another. Take El Paso. It looks as much like Dallas as I look like Jack Nicklaus

I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up the ball is going in a different direction.