Arnie has more people watching him park the car than we do out on the course.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.

Chi Chi Rodriguez had as good a pair of hands as anybody I ever saw, and more shots than you can imagine. But Chi Chi had a habit of turning simple shots into difficult ones.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.