I believe in reincarnation. In my last life I was a peasant. Next time around, I'd like to be an eagle. Who hasn't dreamed they could fly? They're a protected species, too.

I'm hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it.

There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.

I love Merion and I don't even know her last name.

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say, "Man, we shot 66!" But go out and shoot 77, and they say "Hell, he shot 77!"