I believe in reincarnation. In my last life I was a peasant. Next time around, I'd like to be an eagle. Who hasn't dreamed they could fly? They're a protected species, too.

Just remember, somewhere there's some guy who's tired of putting up with her crap

My family was so poor the lady next door gave birth to me.

I never played much golf as a kid. I caddied quite a bit but never got serious into golf until about age 15.

I'm really going to do my homework. I'm going to be down there on the practice tee finding out if a guy's wife beat him up the night before, important stuff like that. Stuff that people want to know.

My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.

If God wanted you to putt cross-handed, he would have made your left arm longer.