Actually, my plan was to be 20-under par after two days but it didn't work

In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.

A rough should have high grass. When you go bowling they don't give you anything for landing in the gutter, do they?

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.

They say I'm famous for my chip shots. Sure, when I hit 'em right, they land just so, like a butterfly with sore feet.

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

Living in Dallas, I root for the Mavericks and the Stars and the Cowboys, but I've always pulled for the Chicago Cubs. I enjoy watching them play.