You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

Actually, my plan was to be 20-under par after two days but it didn't work

To me, the [British] Open is the tournament I would come to if I had to leave a month before and swim over.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

How can they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.

I have an orthopedic pillow that's made out of a sponge material. I have a plate in my throat, and I have to be careful or I could end up with a bad neck in the morning. That pillow is a must everywhere I go.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.