My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country; luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.