If you're from New York and you're Catholic, you're still Jewish. If you're from Butte Montana and you're Jewish, you're still goyisch. The Air Force is Jewish, the Marine Corps dangerous goyisch. Rye Bread is Jewish, instant potatoes, scary goyisch. Eddie Cantor is goyisch, George Jessel is goyisch-Coleman Hawkins is Jewish.

I know what "custody" [of the children] means. "Get even." That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.