If you're from New York and you're Catholic, you're still Jewish. If you're from Butte Montana and you're Jewish, you're still goyisch. The Air Force is Jewish, the Marine Corps dangerous goyisch. Rye Bread is Jewish, instant potatoes, scary goyisch. Eddie Cantor is goyisch, George Jessel is goyisch-Coleman Hawkins is Jewish.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish

Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.