To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater.

Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.

I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".