Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

I know my name will always be linked with women.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.