Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

I know my name will always be linked with women.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.