Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

I know my name will always be linked with women.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Slumps don't bother me.

Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.