How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.