I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.