Slumps don't bother me.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a reflective cheroot, thinking about this and that - mostly that, and I just happened to glance at the night sky and I marvelled at the millions of stars glistening like pieces of quicksilver thrown carelessly onto black velvet. In awe I watched the waxen moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an amber chariot towards the void of infinite space wherein the tethered bolts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever in their orbital majesty; and as I looked at all this, I thought, 'I must put a roof on this lavatory.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.