I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.