The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.