I know my name will always be linked with women.
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.
Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.
I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.