The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.