He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.