He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Slumps don't bother me.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.