Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.