My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.