My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.