I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

Slumps don't bother me.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.