I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.